Five Guys, Plonk Golf, Jamie XX and an overdue realisitation

30 May

EAT: So I’m a little late to the Five Guys party. Mainly because it seemed like a lot of money for something that is consistently described at ‘upper class McDonalds’ or a ‘post take away’. But, the day the Tories won the election I was depressed enough to spend lots of money on some really shit, bad-for-me food… and a burger was obviously going to be the way I chose to numb the pain.

So, I went for the veggie burger (peppers, onions, mushrooms etc), regular fries and a Diet Coke.

photo 2 (2)So, the burger was good, but nothing special. It is, honestly, a fancy take-a-way burger. The bun flattens, but still tastes good. Condiments to filling to bun ration is good and the veg inside the burger is cooked just right. Can’t complain, but it’s not in my top ten or anything! The mayo helped it along (ask for the mayo for the love of god). The fries however were pretty damn good, but I’ve since been informed that I’m an idiot for not trying to cajun fries. So, I may pop back in for them.

But the highlight of Five Guys is the soda machine. So, I’m diabetic and I can only drink diet stuff. Which means I missed out on the amazing Coke-Vanilla combo and it took AGES for them to bring out a Diet Coke/Cherry mix for me. However, look at the options available below…

photo 1 (1)This is JUST the Diet Coke. They have loads of amazing flavours (Diet Cherry AND Vanilla?!) of allll kinds of fizzy drinks and it’s unlimited re-fills. Basically: take a bottle of vodka, hide out in the downstairs bit of Five Guys and keep re-filling your delicious mixer. Five Guys is a good shout for a GREAT drunk take-away, but it’s not ever going to be up there with the likes of Patty and Bun.

SEE:  There are all sorts of pop-ups, well… popping up across London. So for the first time in forever I had a big group of friends who were free to do something, so we went to the pop-up ‘Plonk’ crazy golf at Efes in Dalston.

Efes is a snooker hall dive bar. Basically, that’s it. It’s a bit grimy if you turn up there late at the weekend, but lots of fun and somehow they managed to fit a 9-hole golf course in amongst the snooker tables!  For £7.50 you get 2 hours to complete the course, in a bar, with good music (early 90s r&b and hip-hip for the most part) and what’s actually quite a challenging crazy golf course.

photo 3 (1) photo 4

There are fake volcanoes, flowers, snooker tables, REALLY steep ramps that are nearly impossible to get the golf ball up and a really good atmosphere too.  Plonk is open until the end of July and there’s still plenty of space left, so definitely go!

LISTEN: Jamie XX released his first full-length album ‘In Colours’ this week and it’s been playing in my office (virtually) on repeat. I’ve listened to the ‘Gosh’ so many times that I now feel like my world is imploding and my brain is scrambling every time it comes on… but that aside it’s a really good album.

My favourite tracks are the ones with the most bass and soul – I Know There’s Gonna Be Good Times and another one about half way in but have no idea what it’s called.

Live stream the album on itunes, or listen to one of my favourite tracks below.

LOVE: Bear with me, because this is going to seem long and self-involved, but trust me, that’s not what I’m after. It’s supposed to be frank, realistic and self-aware over everything else. This is more about me having realised something and me exploring it, than me having a go at anyone for anything (which, I really really am not).

I realised something a few days ago. Or, at least, I acknowledged something I’d been thinking about for what, in hindsight, I’ve known for a very long time.

lightbulb-momentI’m a difficult person. When I was, say 16, I was kind. And fun (or, at least I had the potential to be). I was optimistic. The only think I excelled in was grades – I got very good A-Levels, went to a very good University and got a good degree. I have a good job. And I don’t take any of that for granted, not for a second. But, these days I’m irritated a lot of the time. I have terrible double standards. I don’t get as good as I give. And the other day it 100% dawned on me why I’m so difficult, so angry a lot of the time, so often feeling like I’m missing out.

Over the years I’ve been a back-up and a second choice to literally everyone I’ve ever come across. My whole attitude is all down to the fact I am not anyone’s priority.

There isn’t a single person in the world, right this very second, who has me as a priority. And the thing that made me realise this was entering a competition to win a holiday and I got thinking about who I’d take if I won. I decided that it should be someone who’d do the same for me (“treat others as you want to be treated” etc) and it was then, right then, I realised that there’s not a single person I know who would invite me along if they won a holiday (certainly not as a first choice). All of my friends and family members have someone (usually a partner) who gets priority above me.
l-15457

Which is, of course, totally normal and fair enough. I’m not saying they’ve done a bad thing, they haven’t. As I said, it’s just that I’ve realised years of being treated this way has made me cold, distant and sometimes cruel. I’m like a little kid, I suppose I lash out because I’m not wanted. That probably wouldn’t be so sad if I didn’t have so many people in my life I consider good friend. Or, if I hadn’t had a boyfriend before. Or if I didn’t have any family members knocking about. I’m demanding and my time is expensive – I expect a lot and I fully acknowledge that. Hey ho.

I spent the entire time I was an Uni maintaining friendships when we had half terms. But looking back, my Uni mates rarely ever made the effort to reach out and see me. They came to my house maybe once or twice at best, whereas I’ve visited their places at least 5-10 times each. I visited one of my home friends at her University three times: she didn’t bother coming to see me once.

My current friends are either the same Uni friends who I love very much, but they have boyfriends or girlfriends that they’d rather spend time with. Friends I’ve made in London are either in relationships or I met them within the last few years and they already had other, closer friends, that they’d choose to spend time with other me. To be honest, my ex-boyfriends didn’t want to spend time with me over other people, so why would my friends?


Now, this seems like I’m whining (I did warn you at the start it would seem like that). And I’m not: I’m not blaming anyone for picking their partners or their other friends over me. Honestly, I’m a pain in the ass, I don’t blame them at all. Also, why on earth should they spend any time considering the fact I might want to do something with them? I’ve spent virtually my whole life alone and not being a priority, so I’m not totally used to going on holiday, to the cinema, out to eat on my own. And I’m independent enough for that to not bother me and for it to not cross the minds of the people I know that I might feel differently.

The only reason I’m blogging about this (aside from the fact it was a big realisation for me) is in the hope that someone out there who isn’t that strong who might read this (maybe they’re young, maybe they’re not used to not being wanted, I dunno) will realise it’s actually quite normal. Perhaps all the people who have never experienced this have always had a partner, or have always had friends and family without partners, so they never got bumped into second place like I have been.

20110815_narcissist
(^well aware this is how I’m coming across)

As I said, all of this only fell into place the other day, despite the fact I’ve been reacting negatively to it for years. I assure you, I’m not drunk, or upset, or anything like that – I just prioritise honesty and now I’ve realised what the deal is, it made sense for me to put it down so I can look back over this blog post and feel less bad about being a difficult person – I have my reasons, apparently. My behaviour now makes COMPLETE sense to me, so hopefully it does to you too. This blog post is here to explain why I get shitty when friends cancel plans, when family have better things to do, when I have to give up opportunities because I can’t find anyone to do anything with me. It’s an apology to some people, I suppose, for demanding they put me first when they don’t need to and have no intention of doing so.

flfyi For the most part,  I hear a lot of excuses.

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2 Responses to “Five Guys, Plonk Golf, Jamie XX and an overdue realisitation”

  1. ayitl August 29, 2015 at 11:23 pm #

    in colour is a fantastic album

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