Byron Hamburgers, The Lobster, Joni Mitchell and liberation.

14 Dec

EAT:  Christmas Burgers. The ones which are ACTUALLY Christmassy are usually a bit gross (fried turkey, some kind of fatty sprouts, stuffing which gets covered in gravy which ruins the bun… you get the picture). And the ones which are Christmas specials but don’t actually include any traditional Christmas food people get all annoyed about because they don’t include the stuff they don’t really want in a burger anyway.

Byron Hamburger’s Father Cheesemas burger has a festive name but none of the festive stuff you don’t want. Which, personally I’m fine with. Especially considering how tasty all the specials are this #Cheesemas. Now; I work on the Byron Hamburger account for work. However as this blog is basically a diary for me, I only write about things I want to remember (good or bad) and honestly? If I didn’t like their festive special, it wouldn’t be appearing on my blog. There ya go, disclosure thingy dooone.

ONTO THE FOOD. The Father Cheesemas burger is pretty epic: two patties, Freddar bacon cheese, bacon, pickles, chipotle ketchup and honey mustard sauce (as well as the usual lettuce). It’s about £13 and it’s a LOT of food. But fuuuck it’s worth it. SO good. Just look at the shot below.

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Now, I admit, you can’t taste the bacon in the bacon cheese. At least I don’t think you can because whenever I got a taste of bacon it was when an actual piece of bacon was in my mouth. Still, a glorious taste. The red pickles are divine too – with so much beef in the burger, the tanginess of the pickles and the amount of sauce in there makes sure the Father Cheesemas doesn’t get dry. Honestly, it’s a beast of a burger and it’s SO good.

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They also have a new side – Holy Macaroni – which is their macaroni cheese with green chillies and jalapenos. If you like your cheesy goodness with an extra kick, deffo give it a go. But the real (side) star of the show is their limited edition milkshake. The Salted Caramel Pretzel milkshake. Byron shakes, if you haven’t already tried them, are epic. Big, thick but drinkable and super tasty. This is a wicked spin on the usual salted-caramel fare that’s spreading around London… the saltiness from the pretzels is bloody lovely.

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Oh and did I mention the Oreo Cheesecake? No? IT’S AMAZING GO AND EAT SOME. I’ve had my share of cheesecakes and this is the tits. The cheesecakey tits.

Basically, go and eat all of this because it’s really good – as Byron specials always are. Make sure you have it when you’re sober though – you won’t want to forget what it tastes like. The reason I know that? I’ve had 2 while sober and 1 while drunk and I’m well annoyed I don’t remember the drunk food yum times.

SEE: I had the day off on Monday and I took advantage of my Prince Charles Cinema membership and went to see one of their cheap daytime film showings. I went to see The Lobster; despite having Colin Farrell and Rebecca Weiss in, it’s not a Hollywood blockbuster by any stretch of the imagination.

I won’t give too much away because a lot of the key plot twists and turns are actually the most dark and funny bits. It’s a very dark comedy, with quite graphic violent scenes littered throughout, so don’t go thinking you’re going to get a rom-com. Go thinking you’re going to get a twisted rendition of how society places importance on being in a couple and ostracises those who are single.

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The premise of the film is that if you hit a certain age and you’re single – even if it’s because your partner left you, died or something else – then you must enter The Hotel. In this hotel you are given a certain number of days to find a match, otherwise you are turned into the animal of your choice. The protagonist goes for a Lobster which is unusual because most people pick a dog… hence why there are so many of them (apparently). People in the hotel are taught that the key way to find a mate is to have one thing in common with them; one couple are made because they both get nosebleeds. You can get yourself more days in the hotel, more days to remain human, by hunting the ‘loners’ (single people who escape the hotel and hide in the woods). It’s genuinely hilarious. Watch the trailer below and see what you think, but I’d recommend it.

LISTEN: Today’s wonderful Christmas tune is Joni Mitchell’s River. I did promise at some point I’d post a happy festive song and I will… next week. For now, listen to the song which best describes the other side of Christmas in my humble opinion.

LOVE: I have deleted my dating apps. Entering into the party season, I feel like this:

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